before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Mom said you looked used
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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