My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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