they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
