I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she peed on how many people?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
