You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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