I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
