I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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