Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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