Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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