I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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