Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again