no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now