Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
