you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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