If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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