There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
