The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
