you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
