I seem to have left my pride at pride
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
