Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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