I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
