dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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