We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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