I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
