I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is the high leading the old right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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