why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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