I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
