Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
