i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize