my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
