So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
