i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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