So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...