The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet