I want to have your abortion
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.