If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
