i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize