i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I believe in your delicious
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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