i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
