you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
