i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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