Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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