Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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