It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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