I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
