so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
