If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
