If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize