Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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