Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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