Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
