This girl is more easily done than said...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
