that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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