I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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