I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
