Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize